Monday, June 10, 2013

Regional Differences - Our Celtic Cousins - Part One Scotland

Welcome fellow Scratchateers!  Hark - is that the rustle of A bag of scratchings being opened?  Well if you are in England, in a pub and half pissed it probably is.

However if you are in a pub in Ireland, Scotland or Wales*  It probably isn't and you are more than likely a massive cunt.

A few bits of admin first - the reason for such a huge gap in between posts is down to the extremely thorough and extensive research I had to undertake to make this post a reality.  Like all good research it was conducted at my house and at no point during my research did I bother to actually go to Ireland, Scotland or Wales.  Actually tell a Lie last Summer I accidentally went to Hay on Wye but I left pretty sharpish I can tell you.

About ten minutes ago I had an idea for a post, I mean about a year ago I had an idea for a post and hastily cobbled some research together, well I say research, what I actually mean is texted a lad I know who lives in Dublin and asked him what they had for snacks in the pub and I texted another lad I know who lives in Aberdeen and asked him the same questions.  There that is full and frank research, surely.  Even handed, thorough compelling research that obviously gives me carte blanche to write what the fuck I like about the snack habits of the Irish, Scottish and Welsh**

Kicking of with those cunts who live above us in the frozen barren wastes of the North North of England.  In Scotland the poor cunts are restricted to crisps, nuts and scampi fries (shudders) in the main.  Bloody hell.  That and pints of fucking heavy or what ever shit they drink when there not jacking up.  That's shit.  Really shit.  And to cap it off some places also sell some shit called a Rowie.  In all honesty I cant really make out what it is but one receipe I found looked to me like the ingredients for glue.  Mind it was those those two fat dullards the Hairy Cunts, or what ever there called.

A Rowie yesterday

And if your really interested click here for a receipe for glue, sorry I mean a Rowie by those two fat cunts of the telly.

Two fat cunts of the telly

The jock bloke I hassled for paper thin evidence of Scottish pub snacking also claimed some pubs did Mince and Tattie toastie but frankly I don't believe him and a very quick google image search found nothing to make me think differently - so not only do Jocks have shit bar snacks - they are also proven liars.  The cunts.

However they can redeem themselves ever so slightly by the addition of the jock pie.  I am rather partial to a jock pie and by all accounts some pubs in Scotland serve these but let themselves down badly by not utilising a pie warmer and nuking the cunts in a microwave before serving the pie with it's molten hot filling to an unsuspecting patron, who is Scottish, and guaranteed to be pissed, and WILL therefore burn his mouth.

Oh well.

A Jock Pie this afternoon.

So in summary here are some pictures of Scottish people.  I'm sure you will get my drift.

Ha Ha Ha Has Ha

Likes a jock pie or two

Fan - dabi - spit - roast

Scottish Person this morning.

* I have no actual Idea about Wales - I'm massively speculating.
** Again - not one iota about Wales.